63. the one with the bread autopsy

just a little update to my bread post from yesterday…

Mom rang this evening for a little chat to interrogate me about all of the things i might’ve done wrong that would’ve contributed my bread fail. these are usually quite productive autopsies where i Learn Stuff that i can implement in future bakering or cookerings.

such as the time i learnt that butter should be softened. or that flour should be sieved. or that different things are different amounts of heavy ( a teaspoon of mushrooms is not the same as a teaspoon of flour, for eg.)

so we went through all the usual things,
“did you do this?”  
“um… no”
“did you do that?”
“ha! no”
“what about…”
and me: “mom, listen right, it’s not my fault. paul hollywood said my ambient temperature of the house should be fine. paul hollywood said houses are between, like, 19 – 24 degrees, so i didn’t need to leave it in a warm place. which is lucky because we don’t have a warm place… but the house is only 15 degrees when the heating’s on”

“what about your yeast? how old is it? when did you last use it?”
“umm… it’s not old. it’s like… from the time we made cinnamon bread?”
“that was ages ago! what is the expiry date on the tin?”

inactive yeast



14 thoughts on “63. the one with the bread autopsy

  1. Well that would do it. Just think how amazing your next loaf will be, cuz you learned all those new thinks about temp and everything. I bet yeast is important too. :)

  2. Can you make some more with dodgy yeast so we can have more humorous blog postage ;) Autopsy… Good word… One time Mr P was choosing what to watch on tv, he said let’s watch this, it’s about cars. I said what’s it called? He said Autospy. It was about dead bodies :D I think this is where I discovered his dyslexic tendencies.

    • hahaha!

      (well, i don’t like to waste, so i haven’t thrown the inactive yeast away. i’ll just put it next to the tin of milo (exp. 2009) in case of emergency)

  3. Oh bugger! I liked “the other side of bread” If you can slice it and slap some stuff in between it’s a winner! Ola, crappy, shitty heavy bread that I enjoyed making but you taste a little bit rubbish – if I was cool I would’ve hash tagged that… if I was cool I would be out…

  4. I feel your pain. We have stopped trying to make bread in our since since the Great Dwarf Bread Incident of 2011. Significant Otter was supposed to be making a wholemeal loaf but it turned out to have the density of a neutron star and you could have used it to beat polar bears to death with.

      • the man at the windmill (who is not paul hollywood) told me i shouldn’t even attempt wholemeal. but if i did, i should use half white / half wholemeal flour so that no polar bears die

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